Me too!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
