i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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