i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
