kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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