I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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