you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
