Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
