i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
