he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We are two peas in an std pod
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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