She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
