woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
