My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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