I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
