I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
