just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You have to summon your inner elephant
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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