I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
