Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
