yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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