Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
