i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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