i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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