your parents love me but you hate me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
