What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
