just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
