i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
