I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
