Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
