The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
