I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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