Please, let me fuck your mom
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
