I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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