He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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