My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
