Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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