Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
