You work out of a Hotel?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
