So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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