So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
