I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
