i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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