I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
