I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
