I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A+ Viking dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
