The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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