Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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