Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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