look no pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
