Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
