Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
