Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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