I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drinking out of a sandbucket again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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