Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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