8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
