i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
