you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
