its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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