What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
