how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
