I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
