I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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