All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
