i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
