This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
