he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
