remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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