now i know why i became what i already was.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
