I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
