I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
