just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize