the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
