thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
