yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
