I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
