Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
