Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
