Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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