yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
