I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
