The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's like iHOP with fire
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
