Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
