I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
