Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
