i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
