speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
