i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
