i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
