whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
