Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
