Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
